Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I turned 50 in, how things have changed.

For the first time in my life, I started thinking about needing life insurance...No Im not selling any, just kinda hit me not to long ago that until Id hit the big five O the thought had never entered my mind. Never occured to me. What kind of chemical imbalances take place in a womans brain/body after fifty? All of the sudden my friends tell me Im dressing like their mother...but then when your my age all your friends are younger anyway, or so it seems. But I digress... Since cutting off my long hair a couple of years ago, Ive made several ventures into the world of color and cuts,(all of which Im sure you can find shamelessly posted on my facebook page.) But within the last year Ive just said screw it, let the grey begin. Begin hell,..its been there...its just that me and Miss Clairol use to be friends. We had a relationship. For a long time. Yes, we'd meet every month at the grocery store, she'd come home with me and we'd have a whole 30 to 35 intimate mineuts (depending on the amount of coverage needed for the grey)in my bathroom together. Then a quick blow job, er, dry and she was off like yesterdays trash till next month. It was to perfect and I knew it had to end some day. But we will always have our facebook pictures to remember the good times eh!? So now I consider myself a calico. Theres some blonde left over from childhood, plenty of grey to remind me every morning when I look in the mirror that the loss of Miss Clairol's friendship has had some consequences...a red hugh that just wont go away no matter how short you cut it off,...and a few brown and black strands just to keep it real. But it feels good, and some how, now,...right. Or alright might be a better choice of words. Things that use to upset me...not so much anymore. Now dont get me wrong, Im still down right anal about some things and always will be Im sure. But, its really not the end of the world if someone doesnt call or text me for a few days...its actually kinda nice. (and lets face it, facebook,...need I say more ;) If someone breaks a date or changes biggie. Just please dont leave the kitchen cabinet door open or I will be on you like stink on shit. See,..told ya,..anal. Menopause...Hmmm, is it me or is it hot in here? Lets just say, I havent had a full 8 hrs sleep in 3 yrs. Though I dont miss the tampon isle. Nuff said. Im an empty nester now. Its a funny feeling. Not funny ha ha. More like a detached feeling. Maybe romanticized as floating. For 32 years Ive lived with children. Not just my own three, but countless other strays my kids seem to find and bring home almost as much as I did stray dogs. Husbands childern of which there were several. And those little lost causes I was always trying to help or counsil in some way. Gone. Grown up and moved what'll I do? Yep, already did the watching tv naked thing.It reslly wasnt "All That"...(remember I am fifty after all.)Took full control of the remote. Supper? Whats that? Round these parts we eat what we want, when we want. No routine or agendas, no scheduals. Though Im still finding it difficult to cook for one. More to the point, what to do with all the left overs? Thinking its time to buy a house. You know, a place for the grandchildren to come visit me....I know, sad huh? And what happened to me about the weather?? I use to just go outside look at the sky and determine all on my own what kind of a day it was going to be. Now, seems Im obsessed with watching the weather report. If I remember correctly,and some times I dont, (but thats another subject) Id always had a pretty good track record and wasnt much caught out in the cold. Maybe thats another new old foggie trait Ive recently aquired. Cause ya know thats all old folks do is sit around and talk about the weather right? Memory...ah yes. That fleeting something you needed to remember but cant quite put your finger on, you start leaving little post it notes for yourself. Scary,..I know. And how in the hell did my feet get smaller? I think Ive shrunk and inch shorter too. I keep spouting the phrase, to my younger friends of course, "Ive got more years behind me now than in front of me" As if that some how makes me feel more "mature" but not really "old." Truer words Im sure have not been spoken, though I never thought Id ever hear myself say it. Ive come to the conclusion, now that Im an empty nester, that I can go anywhere, do work here is done. So, I spend my quiet moments, (of which there are many these days) day dreaming of a life (or whats left of it) in some beautiful remote place. Some where thats always warm, and the wine and mary jane flows freely. Oops, did I say that? They say 50 is the new 30.....Im still waiting for that to kick in. When it does, Im sure I'll get a move on. But until then, Im going to try to grow old gracefully. Slow down a little. Try to embrace the time, and even maybe just a little, rejoice in it. Single and an empty nester at 50. UGH. That almost sounds like the bad beginning to sad singles ad... But maybe not such a bad thing. I still have my health. I appear to be in high spirits and happy on most days. (Ha! Now you gotta ask that code?) I dont have every thing I want, but for now I have just what I need. And for that I am grateful. Its time to dream,...time to plan for a future. Maybe thats sounds screwed up, but as a single mother for a formitable number of years, it was difficult to get through one day to the next without some wrench being thrown in the mix, let alone trying to plan for tomorrow....Now, Im not so much needed to wash away the daily dirt and counsil heartbroken teenagers. I dont have to worry about curfews and school books. "What do you mean you lost another house key??" Not in my vocabulary any more. For the first time in 32 years, I am alone and free. What a feeling. The world is my easel. I can paint it any color, as many colors, as I like. Dont get me wrong. Living alone with no children at first wasnt all its cracked up to be. It takes practice or you will go insane and your pets will start to hate you because you have no one else to yell at or boss around. Many nites Id catch myself looking at the front door round 10 or 10 thirty,(while watching the weather report) waiting for it to spring open and My Giant come tromping in with his big feet and booming voice. Headed to the fridge to deplete the stock. Now, Im over it and can concentrate soley on the news and weather,...(cause you know us old folks have to watch the news before bed time) I do though look forward to phone calls and texts from them. But as they grow older themselves, and become adults with children and lives of their own, theres seems to be less and less time for that as well. Not gripping. Just fact. Ive been there, and understand the complications of just simply trying to live life/succeed, when your young. I know they love me and thats good enough for me. Again, I digress.. I dont know why turning fifty has had such an impact on me, in so many quiet, and subtle ways, many I havent even begun to joke about here today. Dont get me wrong, Im not quite ready or so old as to give up the option of being called a cougar as opposed to a "sexy senior citizen" just yet, (single a job, please take note of that, and there are pics on my facebook) ;) (now you have to ask she serious? OK. OK. Guys, with a job, and a car....I do have criteria ya know. But honestly,turning fifty hasnt made me feel older...Not really.Im still the same person I was at forty nine or twenty nine...I still climb trees and ride skate boards. I still believe in God and My Country, more fiercly now it feels like than ever. But something has changed...Some thing I cant put my finger on. (though that could be due in large part to that memory thing we touched on a bit back...Or, yes you guessed it...or it could be the mary jane...Ha! And once again you must ask that code? (smirk) My point being, Im a half a century old now. ( Shit, that makes me feel like a Mian when I say that.) Getting to this age and still in one piece, mentally and physically sound, (and yes I do have documentaion proving that for you doubters) I feel is quite a feat. Especially for me, and with the life Ive led... Its a long time to have been around if ya think about it, longer if you think in dog years. Lots of experiences and hard learned lessons. Fifty, feels like a second chance, to take all the lessons and experiences Ive had and learned thru my life so far, and get to apply them to a new path, a new destination, a new time in life that will set the wheels in motion for what will last,...for the rest of my life. It some how feels good, feels right,...or,...its simply,...alright.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

What the???

How did I find my way back here?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

puppy pictures

OK. So I'm computer stupid. Cant seem to get pics from one place to another. However, through some small miracle, Ive been able to accidentally get them, (puppy pics) on to my Face book site. Go check them out!

On another note, word to the wise,....never get your belly button pierced! LoL

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Catching up.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Where to begin!?
Lots to tell, so I will try to touch on most, at least a little bit to catch everyone up to snuff.
I'll start with the bummer heart breaking stuff first.
Last week, me and my BF took the saddles out to the horses and sheep, planning a nice long day ride. When we got there, no horses. WTF!!! We have alerted all the local authorities, but turned nothing up for over a week now. Been searching and searching the whole desert, nothing but sage brush and bunnies. I doubt I'll ever see Jewels and Cocoa ever again. Not really quite sure how they got gone, there is sign of a cougar, and a place where they went through a fence. but also there are tire tracks leading up to the gate, evidence they might have left via a trailer. Your guess is as good as mine. The cougar didn't just scare off the horses, but got two of my lambs and killed a prego ewe as well. We are also on the hunt for him. Cant leave the GLD out with the sheep, as I am pasturing my critters on a friends place, and he has a mean mule that kills dogs, so that fact makes it even worse, as I know Id not have these losses if Bruin were there to do his job.
I'm just sick with worry, and have all these horrible visions of my poor old girls starving, dehydrated....dead out in the desert. Id like to think instead, that they just joined up with a herd of wild ones, theres lots of mustang herds out there, and that some stallion has taken a fancy to them, and wont let them leave. Romantic thoughts I know, but the only one I can hold on to that gives me some hope that they are well.

Puppies. Yes, we have puppies! 7 of the little wiggly pooping babies. 4 weeks tomorrow, and I am really enjoying them now. Chris and Bear are proud parents, and Chis has been nothing short of a doting mother. So glad to see she has decided motherhood isn't so bad. She had 4 boys and three girls. Finally got a few tris too. I'm keeping two from this litter and seriously considering spaying Chris. She is 5 now, and Id really like to get back to concentrating on her working again. She pretty much has had since last Sept. off, only worked her a few times since then, and with the time off I'm hoping we can get back on the right track training. We'd be awesome if she and I can get it together. Some days I just think she'd be better off with another handler, one that is calmer and quieter than I, but I'm working on that. Bear, is the type of dog that better suits me and my way of training/and handling. Hoping these pups have the best of both in them, and cant wait till they are old enough to get going on stock.

Last weekend, I went to a ham shoot. Talk about fun! And! I actually won a ham! I was on my game and shooting well, but then, Id been practicing for weeks prior. I didn't use to care for shotguns, I'm more of a hand gun enthusiast, but I'm starting to enjoy the 12 gauge. Especially, when I can win free food!

Sheep are doing well,(whats left of them) I was suppose to pick up two new churro ewes last week, but with the search for the horses, and the cat that's been frequenting the property, that has been put off for a bit, till I can find more suitable pasture that is safer. So for now they will stay where they are at. I have 3 lambs left, and two more ewes to lamb. The desert is much more wild and unforgiving than I remember it. But we fixed a separate place for the sheep, and then attached sheep and goat fencing all the way around the paneled enclosure so the lambs couldn't get out, and it makes it harder for things to get in. Except, of course the bald eagles and golden eagles, which I see alot of around there. And lets not even talk about the ravens! As much as I love nature and its inhabitants, I'm having a real hard time appreciating either at the moment. Cleaning up lamb carcasses isn't some thing I enjoy.

Still enjoying the new job, and the gals I'm working with are great. Its nice when folks recognize the fact that one knows what they are doing, and doesn't feel the need to micro manage, just because they own the shop. After 30 years of grooming, I really don't need that.

Living in the city sucks. I certainly don't belong here, but its where the work is at, so I get out of the city as much as time will allow. Mostly camping out where the sheep are, but its in the middle of no where, so its quiet, and I can rejuvenate. After living in SLC for 15 years, you'd think I knew my way around, but everything has changed so much,(course I hadn't been back for 14 yrs) its like moving to a place Ive never been before. Thank God for Vera, my GPS. She has been a life saver. Do I think I'll move back to Vernal anytime soon? Nope. Not that I wouldn't like that, but there are things developing here, that may keep me from going to awful far. What u ask? Well, more like a who than a what.
I have met the strangest, sweetest little man, (back in Oct) and one that suits me to a tee. Ive, for lack of a better term, kicked all other suitors to the curb, and am head over heals smitten. The thing I like most about him is, that he allows me my independence, and yet, is always there for me. We have so much in common, and enjoy all the same things, spending time with him is never less than wonderful. I have pretty much moved in with him, and things are going extremely well. What a neat fella. A complete opposite of my over bearing, controlling, ex. What a breath of fresh air.

So, things are starting to settle down now, and we are getting into a routine. That in itself, getting back to a routine, has helped me to get better focused and relaxed. It was getting pretty insane for a bit. Bouncing all over, coming and going, moving here and there. I feel much more settled, and calm. Happy, if you will. Course, I cant say I wasn't happy bouncing around, it was exciting, and fun, but as I get older, (and I will be 48 come Easter Sunday) I'm finding that being involved in a GOOD relationship, can be just as much fun and just as, if not more rewarding than being footloose and fancy free. Wish me luck that my Aries personality, can behave herself, and keep things on an even keel.

Well, that's about it for now, I'm sure there are things Ive left out, but right now, I'm home sick with a temperature, and its time to go back and lie down. Couldn't have picked a better day to be sick, as its been snowing since 6am this morning and there is 4 inches of the white stuff already on the ground. It certainly doesn't look as though spring is in the air today.

Am I back to blogging a bit more regularly? Yeppers, that's what I be thinking. Especially with the new pups, I'm sure I'll be having lots to blog about here directly. So don't touch that dial! LoL In the immortal words of Arnold,.......I'll be back!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

New sheep!

So jazzed! Picking up my new Navajo Churro sheep today. 2 yearling ewes. Been looking forward to this breed. And Bear has too! These sheep,(the flock Im getting my new churros out of, has never been worked by a dog. This will be fun! Pics to follow soon.