Sunday, November 30, 2008

Clean Room Equals Movie....Maybe

My son Kyle (13 yrs old)is an avid reader, and recently has read 2 of the 4 ( so far) books in the series Twilight, and has become a fan of the story. Well the movie Twilight came out this last week ago or so, and Ive heard nothing all week from him but "When can we go see Twilight!?" Of course, being a mother, my answer upon hearing each imploring request was, "as soon as you clean your room!" I consider that type of retort to be motivation. As the closing date for the movie drew closer and closer, that, more than anything seemed to be the true motivator for him to get cracking on the room rather than my insistence that he get it done. But now, since he had been taking his sweet ass time getting his room done, yesterday, closing day for the movie here at our home town theater, I added another twist to my expectations. He called me at work, frantic, telling me today was the last day to get to see the movie. This, I already knew, as, being the mom I have to try to stay one step ahead of him, I had already called the theater and found this out. I was very nonchalant, answering, "yes, I know, so, have you got that room done yet?" Silence was my answer. So, I told him, "sure, we could go to the movie tonight, provided you get the room finished. Oh, and take out the trash, load the dishwasher, AND! Clean your bathroom." A short gasp, then I could hear his brain ticking along over the phone lines, calculating how long it would take him to carry out the various chores, and still get time to play his beloved games on the computer before I got home from work. To which he guardedly asked as the ticking subsided, "so what time are you getting home?" Because you know I expected the work to be done "before" I got home from work. Just to spur him on and motivate him further, I responded "I don't know what time I'll be getting home. "Could be two o'clock, could be 5 o'clock" This call took place at about noon, so you can imagine that it didn't take him long to end the call. As it was, I ended up getting home from work about 4:30pm. And low and behold! All the work had been done! Well, mostly. I did have to step over a trash bag as I walked onto the front porch into the house that he had forgotten to take all the way out. He was quite proud of himself when I got there, and offered me a tour of his labors. "Lead on!" I replied. Of course, the tour had to wait till he got the trash off the front porch, and fed his dog. By the time he got those two things done, he was exasperated. The clock was ticking to get to the 7:30 showing and we had an hours drive to the theater. Id thought about being a real nit picker when he gave me the grand tour of his handiwork, but I could see that he had actually put some thought into the work, and had rearranged things in the bathroom nicely, and even vacuumed his room too! I thought he'd gone a bit to far fixing his book shelf, and boldly propping up the two Twilight books so that you couldn't help but notice them. But, as I a ran a finger across the shelf I did see that it had also been dusted so I let the fact that this was a bedroom bookshelf and not a book store to have books displayed fall and noted that those two books weren't put away properly, to which they quickly were slide into their proper place without a word. After the tour, I calmly and quietly, slowly nodded non committal, turned and wandered into my own room with Kyle dead on my heels. As I crossed the thresh hold into my room, he skidded to a stop, looking expectantly, questioningly, at me. I turned as if I didn't know he was there, and asked him, "why are you following me?" His response was not as quick, as it was calculated. I could see he was ready to burst, wanting to hear if all his work had passed muster with me and COULD WE PLEASE GO SEE TWILIGHT! Being a mom most days isn't all that easy, but there are days when it has its rewards, and this was one of them. As I stood there watching him, like a cat playing with its prey, he twisted and fumbled and twice started to open his mouth, and quickly decided to change whatever it was he was about to say, or, decided on a different, better way to phrase what he was about to say. It was fun trying to be serious and watch him twitching without laughing. But I held out, stern faced and asked again, "What?" Finally, his body relaxed. He almost looked defeated and he looked at the floor first, and then to me, eyes hopeful, beseeching. "Um, how does it look?" Still feeding off his humbleness, I just said, "well, you cleaned it, do you think it looks good?" "Do you think if "I" had cleaned it that it would look like that?" (emphasis on the word "that", to which I spat out rather than merely said, as I pointed a finger down towards the hall) Hearing those words, his chin dropped to his chest, he felt for sure, that there was no way he was going to get to go to the movie now, as he is well aware that I am a much better, more through cleaner than he. I let him stand there for a minuet more, looking, almost cringing, out from under his too long hair hanging in his face. Finally, I said, "Well, I reckon you didn't do "to" bad a job." I start to see a ray of hope changing to a glint in his eye. The one I can see peering out from under the to long hair. His pout starting to turn into a wry smile. I was temped to not allow him this ray of hope, but I think what I had already put him through was bordering on mental abuse, so tagged a couple of small requests of things I wanted to see done a bit better, like actually sweeping the "entire" bathroom floor, like behind the toilet, What? Ya didn't think Id look there? And emptying the bathroom trash can and then, sure, I guess we could go see the movie. He was all assholes and elbows getting it done, and I was pleased to see that he was learning to just get er done, instead of using his time to argue that he did in fact sweep the floor.
Next thing I know he was rushing to get ready to go to the movie. Had he put as much thought and effort into cleaning as he had into his choice of movie going attire and hair do, he would have earned a gold star for the day. First he had to take a quick shower. When he was done and he opened the bathroom door and stepped out, all I could smell, instead of the sweet smells of a freshly washed boy, was instead the smell of some overpowering cheap cologne that some one had given him last Christmas. Gag me! Then comes the clothes. Of course they have to be dark, black to be precise, to match the mood of the movie. Then the hair. I don't care if it is the style the kids are wearing today, that boy is heading to the barbers tomorrow! He fussed more with his hair than the time he spent washing himself! As I watched him readying himself, I saw as I sat firmly planted on the couch scanning my new Working Border Collie magazine that I had just gotten out of the mailbox this evening, that he kept looking at me every few minuets. Finally wondering what exactly it was he was looking at me like I had a bugger on my face for, I asked him. "Why do you keep looking at me like that!?" Kyle knows the routine around here. There are dogs to run and feed, livestock to take care of, and he knows Ive still got those things to do, and, need I remind you mom that the clock is ticking! What he didn't realize was, that I wasn't done toying with him quite yet. He was already afraid that the movie would be sold out, and feared that we wouldn't get to see it even if we did get there in time. Ah, but he underestimates his mother. When I called the theater that morning, I had reserved two tickets already. But of course, I didn't tell him that little secret. As he worriedly looks at the clock, and then at me, I ever so slowly, stretch, yawn, and lay my mag down and get up to start turning out the dogs. I see him let out a sigh of relief upon my departure from the couch. Within minuets, he is out the door behind me and the dogs, forsaking his hair do to the rain, and following me around like a lost puppy, trying to get under the umbrella with me. "Do you need me to get the sheep's grain for you? Want me to fill the water? What are you giving the horses tonight?" I'll watch Andy for ya and make sure he doesn't run off the Bill's for ya, want me to do that for ya!?" I finally had to laugh, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I'm so mean, I was making my son a basket case, and enjoying it!
So, with the dogs snugly tucked in and fed for the night, and the stock taken care of, we finally get back inside and as far as he is concerned, without a moment to spare. But! Now I have to get ready to go, and as jazzed as he is to get out of the house and into the truck and down the road, he knows it will do no good to try to rush me any more, as I only and obviously, from what he experienced outside, tend to slow down the more he tries to speed me up. Lucky for him, I'm not as finicky about my hair as he is, and am ready to go in a few minuets, much to his relief.
On the drive to and through town, he worried me. The comments he made, make me think he'll probably never get a drivers license. He was a backseat driver, and appeared to have a touch of road rage at the number of people driving badly through town. Poor kid, his nerves were shot. As we finally pulled into the theater parking lot, his attitude dropped yet another notch, it was slam full and we had a hard time finding a place to park my huge truck, which made him even more tense. "We're never going to get a ticket for Twilight" he moaned, "Look at all the cars, their probably all here for the last night of Twilight" I just looked at him with a cheery, we;ll see smile, and he leaped out of the truck and hauled booty across the parking lot to the ticket counter, stopping every few seconds to see if I was coming or not. Shouting as I lost sight of him between the cars, "I'll save us a place in line!"
By the time I got there, he was wringing his hands, and announced to me that the last 8 people in front of him had asked for tickets for Twilight. There were 5 more couples in front of us before it was our turn. While waiting, I tried to convince him that maybe we should see another movie instead, and that Id really like to see that new movie Australia, and wouldn't you to? He was only half hearted listening to me, more intent on seeing/listening to what was happening in the line ahead of him. All the sudden, his expression changed from intense curiosity, to absolute dismay. He turned to me and just stared, mouth agape. "What?" I asked. "That,... that lady at the ticket counter just told those people that all tickets for Twilight were now sold out!" "Oh?" I inquired rather to unabashed. Before he could break into a tirade of how upset he was that he wasn't going to get to see Twilight and how it was all my fault that I didn't get ready fast enough, I reminded him that we could always see it when it came out on video, and told him we were up next and that he'd best hurry and pick out another movie he wanted to see before it was our turn at the ticket counter. He quickly, but unenthusiastically decided on Madagascar 2 and I agreed that was a good choice and then sent him with a handful of bills to the concession stand to get us some popcorn and sodas while I got the tickets. I gave the gal at the ticket counter my name and told her I had reserved tickets for the 7:30 showing of Twilight and received our tickets. I met Kyle in line at the concession stand, tickets saftly hidden in my pocket. All joy had left this boys face, and I was tempted at that point, seeing him so down trodden to just go ahead and tell him what Id done. But, like I said, being mom isn't always easy, and some times we have to create a hero like aura so we don't get lost and left behind to friends and trends and fads that teenagers seem to place higher on their priority list than they do their moms some times. In other words, yea, I was milking it for as long as I could. We got our popcorn and drinks, and headed to the line to turn in our tickets and to be pointed in the direction to which door to go into for our designated movie. Kyle was drowning his sorrows in his popcorn, and getting him through the door was like leading the blind, he didn't even look up when the usher pointed us to the door leading to the movie Twilight. Could it get any better than this??!! He didn't even look up when we passed under the red lighted sign that clearly said Twilight over the door! We still had a few minuets to kill after we sat down before the movie started, and Kyle was not even interested in watching the pre show adverts and commercials. I tried to console him, and with an upbeat attitude, remind him of how much we enjoyed the first Madagascar, and that this should be a pretty fun movie too! To which without even looking out from under his to long hair, he mumbled, "yea, but its not Twilight." It really was all I could do to not spill the beans, but we were so close now, and it had turned out way better than I could have ever hoped for, this turn of events that lead us to where we were at that point. So I kept quiet and just sat back and waited for the show to begin.
I, am, at this very moment, and hopefully for many years to come the biggest hero in my sons eyes, and sportin the biggest bruise. As the movie finally came on and he realised, what he was watching and practically screamed at me "How did you do that!!??" and punched me on the arm in his excitement, I just looked at him and pushed the too long hair out of his eyes, and said, "I'm magic!" Now hush, and watch the movie.
As a side note,Id like to mention, that Twilight was a very enjoyable movie, and I think every girl should have the fierce devotion of a vegetarian vampire mate like Edward has for Bella. What a story! Kyle was right, it definitly was worth seeing on the big screen!


BCxFour said...

As a mother of 5 ...I applaude and appreciate your 'devious' methods!
I found myself laughing out loud several times!

Darci said...

Devious? Naw, not me. (she says with a sly grin)

Anonymous said...

sly grin this is really good stuff.

Darci said...

Thanks! Tune in next week for more fun and excitment. With a teenager, 7 dogs, 2 horses and a bunch of sheep, theres never a dull moment!

Jodi said...

This was an absolute joy to read! With a 19 year-old myself, I am so glad to see there are other evil mothers out there whose methods rival my own! I bow to you. You are the master! That was a good one! I, to, found myself laughing out loud and was completely sucked in. Very well written!

Darci said...

It all just played into my hands so well,I couldnt possibly have asked for it to have played out any better. I'll bet the next time we go to a movie, he will pay more attention the the sign over the door, than he does to his popcorn! LOL